CitizenSpin: Celebrity blogging

The Guide: Famous last words: There's no need to bleat about the rumour factory or protest about being misquoted any more. Publicity-conscious stars always have the final say on their blogs, finds Johnny Sharp
From Guardian - 14/05/2005

What kind of sad individual posts their own diary on the internet, as if thousands of total strangers would ever be interested in their lives? An arrogant, self-obsessed exhibitionist perhaps? That would surely be a harsh critique of the McBride family from Berwick-upon-Tweed, who innocently update the world on their garage extension and Chloe's mumps. But one rapidly growing group of web loggers have always had those qualities in spades. They are celebrities, and they've taken to blogging with great enthusiasm, as an ideal way of appearing to keep in touchy-feely direct contact with their public without having to wash their hands afterwards. Britney Spears, for instance, recently announced her pregnancy through her website, as if writing a letter to close family. Now the craze has taken the next logical step, with a US website which promises to commission a pool of 250 of "the most creative minds in the country" to take it in turns to write a blog on the pressing issues of the day. The American columnist and socialite Arianna Huffington is the genius behind www.huffington post.com, which promises contributors such as Norman Mailer, Warren Beatty, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Gwyneth Paltrow. Surely it can only be a matter of time before the Queen herself launches a blog, to keep us updated on the latest antics of the corgis and her state visit to Fiji, and to remind us: "Don't forget to watch me on telly on Christmas day, BBC1, 3pm." So which are actually worth reading? Well, they can be roughly divided into the following categories:

Self-promotion

The most obvious motivation for a celebrity blog is the same reason celebs appear on chat shows or agree to be gunged on children's TV. They have a product to plug.

David Duchovny has recently been plugging his directorial debut The House Of D by blogging at www.lionsgatedirectors.com/duchovny/. He posts daily, sometimes on video, but the entries can pretty much be summed up by the sentence "My new movie is out with a bunch of marvellous, talented actors in, I don't care what the critics say, no really I don't, go and see it and make all your friends see it."

It's a similar story with Jeff Bridges' blog at jeffbridges.com, but it's raised above the average by virtue of the fact it's handwritten, and accompanied by childlike and quite endearing doodle drawings. If you have a graphologist or Jungian psychoanalyst nearby when you view it, there could be a few insights to be gained.

Some, of course, are fighting the good fight. Jamie Oliver recently won an award for his blog at www.jamieoliver.com, where he has kept his "fans" in touch with his campaign to stop schoolkids eating deep-fried pigs' genitals.

But it's hard sell all the way from used-band salesman supreme Gene Simmons of Kiss. He has jumped on the blogging bandwagon to shamelessly plug his TV appearances (such as his presenting role in Channel 4's upcoming Rock School) and whatever Kiss-related merchandise he's dreamt up this week. Fans even suggest their own marketing ideas. With most other bands, if they so much as sponsored a range of plectrums they'd be accused of selling out. Kiss's fans such as Alain from France say: "How about Chicken McNuggets in Kiss talisman shapes?" Ye gods.

Urge to confess

Unlike their "civilian" counterparts, few stars are brave enough to say what they really think, let alone name names on their blogs. One exception is big-shorted Limp Bizkit frontman and all round farce-on-legs Fred Durst, who broke one of the celebrity stories of 2003 when he poured his heavily tattooed heart out about his undying love for "really cool southern girl" Britney Spears at www.limpbizkit.com. He probably felt he was "keeping it real", but Britney denied everything, while Durst's own fans were mortified at him dating, like, a pop star, dude. They're easily annoyed, mind. Last week their messageboards were suggesting boycotting the new LB album after he advocated they download it for free. Don't ask me why.

Fat-and-proud comedienne Rosie O'Donnell, (think "gay American Dawn French"), got into similar trouble in March after speaking her mind at www.rosie.com ("the unedited rantings of a fat, 43 year-old, menopausal, ex-talkshow host"). It's a strange enough affair at the best of times since Rosie writes her entries in free verse, but her meaning was clear when she mocked fellow tent-wearer Kirstie Alley for claiming to have been "201 pounds at my heaviest". "I am 220," she wrote, as if in competition. "'Fess up Kirstie, 201 my ass." After an angry phone call from Alley, the following entry was posted:

"The phone

Kirstie w/hurt feelings

I am sorry

4 that"

My life story

The logical conclusion to the confessional blog is the approach taken by former Smashing Pumpkins singer Billy Corgan, who not only offers diary entries, but is writing his autobiography at www.billycorgan.com. Freed from the probing of the untermensch journalists he hates so much, he's been surprisingly revealing about his traumatic upbringing, and battles with depression, drink and drugs. He even tells the tale of ending up in bed with a pre-op transsexual: "I beg off politely, saying it's not really my trip, and I'm *boom* out the door, on the street laughing to myself." He has promised to be similarly unflinching in his descriptions of his grunge-era contemporaries and former paramours such as Courtney Love. I feel a feud coming on.

Putting the world to rights

While the world waits for the great and the good to deliver us from evil via The Huffington Post blog, some stars have already been fighting the good fight on the web for some time now. Barbra Streisand's website features 30 pages worth of "statements" by Ms Streisand featuring endless facts, figures and opinions on everything from corporate tax rates to Dick Cheney's congressional voting record. If it wasn't for the incongruous sight of our heroine sat at the top of the page on a shiny pink throne in an off-the-shoulder dress, clutching a bunch of roses, you could be forgiven for thinking there'd been a content mix-up with the official website for Rage Against The Machine.

Britney Spears, meanwhile, has been gunning for that traditional celebrity target - the press - at britneyspears.com.

"I'd like them to ask themselves the question, 'What am I lying to myself about?' Is it that you are 50 pounds overweight? Is it that your children aren't making wise decisions? Or is it maybe that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you?"

I'm saying nothing.

Verbal diarrhoea

Of course, in the world of the rich and famous just as in the real one, there are people who simply wander aimlessly around talking to no one in particular.

Moby's blog is updated almost daily, full of his undeniably intelligent and quite often amusing observations on life, art, veganism and religion.

A somewhat looser cannon is Aki Riihilahti, a lesser known Finnish footballer with relegation-threatened Premiership club Crystal Palace, who has become a cult figure in the past couple of years with his deep-thinking and startlingly honest weekly musings in pidgin English.

How about this from September 2004?: "Someone tried to put their thumb in my arse last week. I've never before experienced such a gruel (sic) attack. I was only trying to block keepers view standing next to the wall. Luckily the finger was blocked by my shorts."

Or this from October: "I want to win. It is like a drug. I could never get enough of it. The feeling of it is something between the day of graduation, drunken laugh, your first kiss and Jerry Springer show: it is mad, un-describable and over-exaggerated joy. Hiroshima! That is how I feel after a lost game."

David Beckham, take note. If you'd spent your spare time blogging instead of texting, you might be far happier. *